With a constant stream of messages like that, it’s no surprise women feel pressure to change their bodies for the big day—or for any big event. But I think it’s very harmful and I think we owe it to ourselves to not make weight loss the focus for any of it. At the very least, let’s put it on the back burner.

Let me tell you why I feel this way—then tell you what I recommend instead of pursuing weight loss before the big day, or ever.